We are here to gain experience

My new life's catch phrase seems to be "I thought I knew. I didn't." I thought I knew how much being a mother would change my life. I didn't. I thought I knew that newborns were challenging, completely dependent, completely beautiful little people. I didn't. I thought I knew that I'd miss sleep. I didn't. I thought I knew that my heart would be forever changed. I didn't. But I'm starting to know. I'm starting to learn. I couldn't understand these things from reading about them for hours, from hearing about them countless times, even from trying my best to empathize. I had to live them.

Motherhood so far has indeed completely changed my life and it's completely changing me for the better, but it's tough. I've learned so many spiritual lessons already. I learn them in peaceful moments and in tearful moments. One of the things that has struck me is that we truly do need experiences to learn deeply. And that's why we are here. 

We have been sent here to the world God created in order to learn and to make choices and have the opportunity to grow and even become like God, our Father.

"And now, behold, if Adam had not transgressed he would not have fallen, but he would have remained in the garden of Eden. And all things which were created must have remained in the same state in which they were after they were created; and they must have remained forever, and had no end.

And [Adam and Eve] would have had no children; wherefore they would have remained in a state of innocence, having no joy, for they knew no misery; doing no good, for they knew no sin.

But behold, all things have been done in the wisdom of him who knoweth all things.

 Adam fell that men might be; and men are, that they might have joy.

 And the Messiah cometh in the fulness of time, that he may redeem the children of men from the fall." (2 Nephi 2:22-26)

So, even though we have trials in this life, we also have the opportunity to have joy. Joy comes as we choose to follow Christ throughout life's journey.

"For behold, this life is the time for men to prepare to meet God; yea, behold the day of this life is the day for men to perform their labors." (Alma 34:32) 

"...nevertheless there was a space granted unto man in which he might repent; therefore this life became a probationary state; a time to prepare to meet God; a time to prepare for that endless state which has been spoken of by us, which is after the resurrection of the dead." (Alma 12:24)

The experiences of this life help transform and prepare us for even greater things to come!

"If thou art called to pass through tribulation...know thou, my [children], that all these things shall give thee experience, and shall be for thy good. The Son of Man hath descended below them all. Art thou greater than he?" (D&C 122:5-8).

Christ has experienced all the sorrows and trials we will have. He has the power to help us come victoriously through them all and learn what we need to learn.

"...we glory in tribulations also: knowing that tribulation worketh patience;

 And patience, experience; and experience, hope:

 And hope maketh not ashamed; because the love of God is shed abroad in our hearts by the Holy Ghost which is given unto us." (Romans 5:3-5)

Our experiences help refine us when we turn to God.

One of my favorite talks ever is called "The Fourth Watch" by S. Michael Wilcox. Wilcox focuses on the account in Matthew 14 where Christ sends His disciples out to sea to go to the other shore where they will meet up. All night long the disciples struggle on a wind-tossed sea. Only in the fourth watch of the night (very late), does Christ come to them and calm the sea. He could have come right away, but He didn't. This doesn't mean He didn't care or didn't know they were struggling. Wilcox talks about how sometimes in life we don't receive immediate rescue from our circumstances or the blessings we seek. Sometimes what God knows we lovingly need most is experience, even if it is difficult. One part of the talk that I often think of is Wilcox's story about a man (I think it may have been himself) whose father had abandoned him and his mother. For years and years he prayed to be able to forgive his father. Finally, when he himself was a father, he was at last able to forgive. The change of heart he sought came as his little son came in to embrace him. He realized in that moment that his father had lost out on so much more than he had. He felt compassion for his father. It took the experience of being a father himself to have his heart opened and able to forgive.

Every day I'm amazed and humbled by how little I understood about motherhood, about God's plan for His children, and about what it really means to love and serve. Some days are pretty hard when I'm faced with hours of crying to try to soothe and little sleep and energy to do it with. But through it all, I'm starting to appreciate my Heavenly Father more. He loves us and reaches out for us even when we reject Him. He serves us and provides for us even when we give nothing or very little back. He loves us unconditionally. I'm trying to be more like Him. And in the process, I'm blessed with the privilege and sacred calling of helping nurture a tiny little daughter of God who is so sweet and grows and changes so much each day. And I'm blessed with a multitude of new experiences which are stretching me and changing me more and more into the daughter of God Heavenly Father knows I can be.

(Side note: I've experienced so many tender mercies to help me through these new challenges! Blessings of a little more sleep when I needed it desperately; blessings of loving and supportive family and friends; blessings of prayer; blessings of humor; blessings of the beautiful earth God made for us--and so many more! There's a great talk on tender mercies--one of my other favorites--by Elder Bednar. You can check it out here.)

"The Lord is good to all: and his tender mercies are over all his works. " (Psalms 145:9) 

Oh, and by the way, not every moment of motherhood is a struggle and challenge (although the last days have been especially rough). There is also a lot of joy! One of my favorite recent moments was watching Chris and Theresa go through their Daddy-Daughter after-bath dance ritual. You can check it out below :)